A Farce Of Biblical Proportions

It came to pass that the Lord appeared before Nicola and did say unto her ‘Verily, there is going to be a Great Flood.’

And Nicola did look grievous shocked, and said unto the Lord ‘What, again?’. For she knew of such matters, having come top in her class at Sunday school, a fact that surprisethed no one.

And the Lord said unto Nicola ‘Not that kind of flood, we don’t do things that way anymore. I mean a great flood of public opinion that might sweepeth you away. I’m giving you a heads up, doing you a solid, as the New Testament kids would say’.

And Nicola did sit up very straight indeed and say unto the Lord ‘Tell me more, tell me more’.

And the Lord said ‘You are going to need a big boat’.

And Nicola said ‘I though you said - ’ and the Lord ‘I did say, put your hand down and don’t interrupt me.’

‘You are going to need a big and reliable boat,’ said the Lord, ‘for to ply the Strait of Cook. For the vessels you have do creaketh like the joints of Methuselah, and are as broken-down as a man who is sick of the palsy. And the people know of this, and there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth.’