Budget Week: The View From Christopher Luxon’s Phone

A Satiriser Exclusive: Full Transcript Below

LuxonPM: Hi BlueTeam I’ve created this group just for us National Ministers. It’s Budget Week and we’ve got to stay tighter than the screw-on cap of a roll-on deodorant in your carry-on briefcase. Everyone here?

WillisN: I’m here Leader!

Simeon: Here.

DrRetiMD: Here.

PaulGoldsmith: Herpe

PaulGoldsmith: Sorry. Here. 🤪

PaulGoldsmith: Sorry. 🙂

TheBish: Here.

StanfordNotTheUniversity: Here

StanfordNotTheUniversity: Wait. Who changed my name?

LuxonPM: Who changed Erica’s name?

StanfordNotTheUniversity: Come on who did it? You’d never see this sort of behaviour in a charter school classroom

StanfordNotTheUniversity: It’s your own time you’re wasting

LuxonPM: Let’s move on. Is there anyone who isn’t here?

TheBish: David MacLeod isn’t here.

LuxonPM: Mr Stuffed Up Big Time With His Donors? He’s not a Minister but @TheBish I think you’re going to tell me about him anyway

TheBish: When the emergency mobile alert went off last night he dropped his phone down the loo 😩

LuxonPM: Two strikes… I run a disciplined ship here. Now as I say this is Budget Week and we’ve all got to stay on message. Shoutout to @WillisN for the hard yards on this, she’s a finance ninja, the Budget is all down to her, it’s got her name all over it.

WillisN: Thanks Leader!

LuxonPM: So let’s work as a team, and on Friday morning when the markets and the boardrooms give us the big tick we can all take the credit, together.

WillisN: Thanks Leader!

LuxonPM: And if they don’t give us the big tick then like I say, the Budget is all down to @WillisN, it’s got her name all over it.