Corrections Latest: Voicemail Leak, Ghost of Muddy Waters Weighs In

A Satiriser Exclusive

You have reached the secure voicemail of Corrections Minister Mark Mitchell. To retrieve your messages, please key in your access number.

I’m sorry, Corrections Minister Mark Mitchell, that number is incorrect. Please enter the correct number.

I’m sorry, Corrections Minister Mark Mitchell, that number is incorrect. Please enter the correct number.

That number is also incorrect. Would you like to phone a friend?

Access granted. You have seven new messages. To listen to your messages, press ‘1’.

No no, just press ‘1’. You have to get literally one number right. How hard can this be?

Access granted. First new message:

Oh gidday there Mr Mitchell, it’s Steve from MegaStructure Construction. Just looking to put in a tender for building that giant can that you want to kick down the road. Couple of questions: exactly how far down the road do you want to kick it, and how many hundred beds do you want in it? I’ve heard a couple of different numbers, well actually three or four, so just me know and I’ll draw up the quote. Cheers.

Second new message:

Hi Mark it’s Christopher, your Business Team Leader here. Well that press conference of ours was a bit sub-optimal but I think I got us back on track.