David Seymour Talks About Bots

David Seymour here, a heartbeat away from being laser-focused.

Let’s talk about bots, baby, lets talk about you and me. But let’s make it quick, because I’ve got a man coming in to deodourise this office.

It’s the only way to get the aroma of Old Spice and stale Van Hartog out of the soft furnishings.

Now look, you and I know that the Regulatory Standards Bill is supported by every hard-working Kiwi, and not the ridiculous less than one per cent that some so-called fact would have you believe.

And you’ll also know that when I was asked why almost every online public submission was against the Regulatory Standards Bill, I blamed it all on ‘bots’.

And now I’m getting roasted about it by sneering media trendies.

Look, I’m a simple guy. In my day, a bot was something you waved vigorously at a television camera in a desperate attempt to maintain relevance.

So let’s be crystal clear about this. Sorry, was I just sounding Prime Ministerial then? What I’m saying to you is that wasn’t intentional at all.

And what I’m also saying to you is that when I talked about bots, I was the victim of an insidious smear campaign by people who insist on taking the words I say at face value.

People who twist those words into the exact shape they were when they came out of my mouth.

For the record, the landslide of online public submissions against the Regulatory Standards Bill was not caused by bots.

It was caused by gremlins. Progressive, lefty, freedom-hating gremlins.

Now let’s get on with this, and act like serious grown-ups.