Franks Ogilvie Law - Standard Threatening Letter Template

Dear [insert names here e.g. certain targeted health professionals ]

Ooooh you’ve done it now! You’re really in for it! Are you scared? You should be scared.

We act for [insert client name here e.g. ‘Inflection Point NZ’, ‘Anti-Trans Activists’, ‘Random Bigots’ etc ]

To be clear, as a responsible and ethical legal firm, Franks Ogilvie Law operates on the Cab Rank Rule. We take our clients as we find them. We do not necessarily endorse the views of our clients. And if, theoretically, the views of our principals ever overlap the views of our clients, well then, that is simply no more than a coincidence. A mere coincidence.

Now where were we? Ah yes:

Ooooh you’ve done it now! You’re in so much trouble [insert names here e.g. certain targeted health professionals ]

Are you scared? You should be scared.

Because you are hereby notified that one day you may be liable for legal action, if you don’t pull your socks up and sort yourself out right now.

To be clear also, when we say ‘one day you may be liable for legal action’ we do not mean today. Because today we don’t have a legal leg to stand on. We’ve got nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

No, today we’re just trying to put the wind up you, is all. With our big legal letterhead, on behalf of our clients [insert client name here e.g. ‘Sad Bitter Threatened Men With Too Much Time On Their Hands ]

To be clear once more, you might think that a letter like this is in breach of the duty of a lawyer not to bring the legal profession into disrepute. And specifically not to engage in harassment.

But you would be wrong! Are you a lawyer? No. We are the lawyers here, and we know exactly what we’re doing.

So just watch it, alright? Just watch it. Because we’ve got our eye on you. Oh yes we have.

Kind regards

Franks Ogilvie Law

PS We mean it. Just watch it.

Today’s Satiriser is free to read, acknowledging the work of David Farrier at Webworm in drawing our attention to this odious story