Government To Hīkoi: Drive, Don’t Walk

The government is strongly advising participants in the Hīkoi mō te Tiriti to get themselves some decent vehicles and just drive on the motorways, people, because that what they’re there for.

The hīkoi left Cape Reinga on Sunday and will take nine days to get to Wellington, a situation described by a confused Minister of Roads, Roads and Roads Simeon Brown as ‘totally irrational in terms of transport strategy’.

‘This government has put millions of dollars of taxpayers’ money into building highways of national significance and raising the speed limits on them,’ Minister Brown told journalists perched in the back seat of a Mitsubishi Triton he was taking for a spin round Oriental Bay.

‘Google Maps says you can drive the length of the North Island in thirteen hours. Nine days – what were they thinking? That’s so inefficient I can only imagine it was dreamed up by a public servant.’

Minister Brown explained how he would organise the hīkoi if he were in charge.

‘Cape Reinga to Wellington is a straightforward journey thanks to this government’s commitment to roading infrastructure. All they need is a fleet of Ford Rangers.’

‘Leave Cape Reinga at 6am, State Highway 1 all the way down. Plant the boot to 110K on the Northern Gateway and the Waikato Expressway, take the Taupō bypass and stop in Waiouru to refill the tank and buy a pie. Back in the Ranger and before you know it you’re through Transmission Gully, taking the Terrace off-ramp and pulling up in front of the Beehive.’