Government To Self-Certify Own Work

Prime Minister, welcome.

Thank you. My crown limo got here with seven seconds to spare despite having to wait for a train and dodge a cyclist, so I’m signing that off as a ‘pass’.

Self-certification in action!

And we’ll be rolling it out, scaling it up, and leveraging off it.

In English?

Look I think it’s obvious to New Zealanders that whenever the government wants to do something it always gets held up by people with clipboards asking it questions, checking things and generally slowing everything down.

What sort of people exactly?

Journalists –

With clipboards?

They’re metaphorical clipboards. As I say, journalists, the courts, the Ombudsman, the Privacy Commissioner, the Waitangi Tribunal. We’re drowning in red tape here.

Is it actually possible to drown in red tape?

What I’m saying to you is that trusted professionals like we in the government should be able to get on with the job, and when we’ve finished the job just sign ourselves off and say ‘Job done. Nothing to see here.’ Self-certified, no more checks, end of story. It’s all about forward-focused efficiency and productivity.

Just to be clear, the government are ‘trusted professionals’ now?

Well, we were elected by hard-working Kiwis. Who elected journalists? No-one! And it’s the same for all those public sector bureaucrats.

The courts, the Ombudsman, the Privacy Commissioner, the Waitangi Tribunal…