Helpful Hacks For Health Savings

With Health New Zealand planning to cut nearly 1500 more jobs, we at The Satiriser aren’t about to carp and criticise. We’re thinking about positive suggestions we can make to help get our health system as trim and smoothly-running as a well-lubricated colonoscope. Here are our top cost-saving health hacks:

Receptionist Headsets For Surgeons

Anyone who’s watched any TV medical drama knows that surgeons are the kind of multi-taskers who can listen to classical music and chat about last night’s big game while simultaneously suturing that perforation. That being so, why not put those oral and aural skills to better use? Hands-free sets allow these gods who walk among us to wield scalpels and field inquiries about outpatient bunion appointments at the same time. Cut tissue, cut bone, cut costs!

Self-Drive Patient Trolleys

Oh sure, some people really need to be wheeled to and from surgery, but all of them? Let’s keep a few orderlies for the actual bed-cases but for everyone else the patient can do the pushing. It’s the sort of low-impact aerobic exercise that aids recovery and rehabilitation. So we can sack most of the physios as well. It’s a walking win-win!