Infrastructure Concept Of Plan On Track

Thanks for coming. Can everyone see me in this? Alright.

Today I am pleased to announce that the National Infrastructure Pipeline is set to deliver six billion dollars’ worth of quality infrastructure across the country and help get all of New Zealand back on track. I will now take questions.

Yes, what’s that? How long is the National Infrastructure Pipeline? It’s as long as it needs to be to help get the country back on track.

Yes, down the back. Is it made of steel? No the National Infrastructure Pipeline is not made of steel. No, it won’t be underground. No no, it won’t be overground either.

Lock, I think I need to clear up a misunderstanding some of you may have. The national infrastructure pipeline is not a thing. It’s not like, an actual pipeline. It’s bigger than that. It’s the idea of a pipeline. A concept. A plan.

What’s that? Well yes, you could call it a ‘vibe’ if you want to. The point is that the ‘vibe’ of the National Infrastructure Pipeline is all about delivering infrastructure in a timely fashion.

Sorry? Yes, by timely I do actually have a time in mind and that time is Christmas. Yes, this Christmas.

No I don’t mean that everything will be built by this Christmas. No, I don’t mean that anything will be built by this Christmas.

They will be started by Christmas. At the very latest.

Yes, you down the back? Yes, well obviously if works are started just before Christmas then they will have to halt over Christmas for the Christmas holidays.

So, we’ll call it mid-January. Happy now?