Levy: Free Toast? More Like Health System Bloat

Hello, Lester Levy here, the hero the health system needs but doesn’t want right now.

You know, ever since I made it my mission to root out waste in the public health system people have mocked me. When I described our public health system as ‘totally bloated’ they even laughed. Well they won’t be laughing when they learn about this:

It has come to my attention that in our public hospitals, mothers of new-born babies are being offered free toast after giving birth.

That’s right, toast for free. On demand. And not just toast. Butter or spread as well, and even jam or honey. At any time, day or night.

And this isn’t a one-off. This ‘nice-to-have-toast’ mentality is right across our public hospitals. And it’s a stunning example of how systematically the rot of profligacy has set in.

I only learned this because one brave hospital in Wellington decided to put a stop to this culture of extravagance on the grounds of cost-cutting. How disappointing then, to learn that the toast free-for-all has now been reinstated, because of the emotion-fuelled pile-on that resulted.

To be clear, there is a time for the efficient delivery of toast in our public health system. And that time is breakfast-time.

So if you’re a mum-to-be and you want free toast (and yes butter and jam as well, I’m not a monster, you know) then you should choose to give birth just before breakfast time, and your toast will be around shortly.