New Ferries To Have Bunk-Beds So Kāinga Ora Can Use Them At Night

Mr Bishop demonstrates how wide the new state housing bunks will be

Gidday! Chris Bishop here, the friendly jokey blokey face of the neo-liberal project. How about those All Blacks, am I right?

As you know, as part of getting New Zealand back on track, yesterday I launched the ‘turnaround plan’ for Kāinga Ora. Between you and me, when my TikTok team told me we were going to call it the ‘turnaround’ plan I had my doubts.

Frankly that just reminds me of Bonnie Tyler belting out ‘Turn around bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart’. Which is not jokey, or blokey.

But now I get it. From now on we won’t just be delivering state houses round the country, we’ll be getting them on track and turning them around as well.

Think of it as a very long drawn-out series of ‘Moving Houses’ except with me riding shotgun and saying things like ‘a bit more to the right’ and ‘that tree’ll have to go.’ Which is right on brand.

Although I see myself as more of your Andy Ellis and less that pretty boy Clarke Gayford, obviously.

Anyway as I often tell the guys on the Parliamentary cricket team, ‘you’ve always got to think outside your box.’ And I have been thinking outside my box, and I’ve come up with this:

All New Zealanders need a warm roof over their heads, even the bottom-feeders.

And all New Zealanders want a couple more brand spanking new inter-island ferries.

‘But how can we afford both those things, and corporate tax cuts?’ I hear you say.

Well, your mate Chris has the answer.