Peters Casts Doubt on Evolution, Gravity

Foreign Minister and everyone’s embarrassing uncle who turns up at Christmas Winston Peters has yet to clarify comments he made about evolution and gravity being ‘just theories’.

Mr Peters’ comments come immediately after he was forced to backpedal on remarks at the Pacific Islands Forum which appeared to question whether climate change was human-induced.

At a press stand-up back in New Zealand alongside PM Christopher Luxon, who was looking pretty relaxed in a Tongan floral shirt, Mr Peters was quizzed by a reporter from the New Zealand Harald who asked whether he had doubts about any other scientific concepts other than climate change, such as evolution.

‘Listen, bozo, get your facts straight. If you stopped interviewing your typewriter and took the time to read a science textbook you’d see exactly what it’s called. The Theory Of Evolution. It’s a theory, got that? Nothing more. Nothing less,’ Mr Peters replied.

Mr Luxon, whom microphones caught muttering ‘For feck’s sake...’ under his breath, attempted to intervene by stating that what Mr Peters had said was ‘absolutely technically true’ and now if we could just focus on the concerns of hard-working landlords.

Undaunted, Mr Peters pressed on, saying ‘No no wait just one minute. If this woke media clown is going to ask stupid questions he’s going to have sit and listen to the answers. All I’m saying is that for hundreds of years people got on perfectly fine without having to think about whether they were descended from a jellyfish.’

Mr Luxon then asked who was looking forward to the big game at the weekend and how about those All Blacks, what do you reckon Winston?

But Mr Peters doubled down, singling out the New Zealand Harald reporter to say he could understand why he was so fixated on evolution though, given that he consistently yabbered like a baboon.

Mr Luxon then drew the press conference to an immediate close for ‘security reasons.’

As Mr Peters was carried off by three members of the Diplomatic Protection Squad he shouted that gravity was just a theory too, you should look that up wiseguy, adding that if you had any shred of professionalism you’d do your own research about the Moon landings as well.

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