PM To Give Biden, NATO Benefit Of His Real-World Experience

Prime Minister Luxon will take a commercial flight to Washington DC today to ensure he arrives in time to give much-needed advice to President Biden and other members of the NATO western alliance.

The Prime Minister would usually travel to top-level international meetings on an RNZAF 757, but given what insiders describe as ‘the Japan trip fiasco’ plus the fact that the single operational 757 is currently having a new wind-up rubber band fitted, the PM and his entourage will be flying Premium Economy to the USA, an aide revealed.     

‘Unfortunately Business Premium was already booked out by successful hardworking Kiwis taking the kids to Disneyland for the school holidays plus getting a bit of ‘us-time’ by letting the flight attendants take care of the little cherubs down the back of the plane. But the PM is a man of the people and he can put up with a little hardship in Premium Economy.’

Mr Luxon will need to hit the ground running, relaxed and energised if he is to give President Biden and NATO leaders the benefit of his real-world experience.

‘President Biden is having a hard time keeping his own team on message and that’s where the PM can really help,’ the aide added. ‘The leadership skills he honed dealing with the cut-throat corporate politics of personal grooming and deodorant marketing equipped him well to keep Winston Peters and David Seymour in line. You don’t see them hogging the limelight or hijacking the agenda, and that’s all down to the PM’s laser-focussed control.’

‘You can’t let the tail wag the dog, and that’s the learning he’ll be taking to President Biden.’

As part of Mr Luxon’s ‘How You Can Succeed In Politics Like I Succeeded In Business’ TED-talk to President Biden, an advance party from the New Zealand Embassy is liaising with the White House situation room to ensure everything runs smoothly, the aide revealed.