Police Eye For The Gang Guy

It’s 9.25pm and I’m standing on the footpath of an ordinary suburban Auckland street, across from an ordinary-looking house that is in fact, the home of a long-time gang member and recidivist offender. And tonight, a crack police team –

Whoa whoa whoa, what’s going on here? What’s with that big bright light?

We’re a camera crew, from TV.

Oh, right. Well in that case, turn that light this way. That’s better.

Wait, are you Mark Mitchell, Minister of Police?

That’s right, I’m taking charge of tonight’s operation. We’ve had a tip-off about illegal activity centred on the walk-in wardrobe in the master bedroom.

What sort of illegal? Are we talking a furtive cannabis-growing set-up?

Nope.

A cache of powerful firearms?

Nope.

It’s not a meth lab is it?

It’s an item of clothing with a gang patch. Hard to believe this sort of thing is going on right here in this ordinary-looking suburban neighbourhood. But enough is enough. As we like to say ‘Tough on crime, tough on the clothes worn by the people doing the crime’.

That’s not very catchy.

It’s not the police’s job to be catchy.

Isn’t it exactly the police’s job to be catchy?

Look you just film, and we’ll apprehend the offending jacket. I say jacket, it may be some other kind of garment. We’re keeping an open mind. But that said, when you’re dealing with people like this, you’ve got to hit them hard, where it hurts.

In the wardrobe?

In the wardrobe, in the dresser. In the tallboy and the lowboy.