Putting New Zealand Off The Map

MEMO

FROM: Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade

TO: Tourism New Zealand

Kia ora guys! Hey, love the new slogan. ‘Everyone Must Go!’. It’s a winner. Ignore the haters, you folks at Tourism New Zealand have knocked it out of the park again!

Hey, just on the subject of drawing attention to New Zealand, which is what you guys are brilliant at:

Here at Foreign Affairs we’d be really grateful if you made a couple of little changes to your worldwide billboard advertising reach, specifically so it no longer reaches within a five-kilometre radius of these locations:

1) 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC

2) Mar-A-Lago, 1100 S Ocean Blvd, Palm Beach, Florida

The thing is, there are some people (well one, but we don’t need to name names) who really don’t need to know what an amazing place New Zealand is, and what a great place New Zealand is to visit.

Or to annex. Or to buy.

If you could make it so that person couldn’t look out their window and see a big sign enthusing about this country and encouraging them to get over here, you’d be doing us a real solid. And making our lives a lot easier.

Because the thing is, if such a person were to then, out of an abundance of curiosity, turn over the big globe in their office and find New Zealand on it, they might notice that New Zealand points straight towards Antarctica.