Revealed: That Not Actually How PM Rolls

Leaked WhatsApp exchanges from the Prime Minister’s comms team reveal ‘That’s how I roll’ was not Christopher Luxon’s first choice, as they hurriedly conferred to find a soundbite to describe his leadership style.

Luxon fired Penny ‘overseas trips and massages for carers’ Simmonds - described by advocates as the Marie Antoinette of the disabilities sector - and Melissa ‘watch the news on Sky’ Lee, whose cunning plan to rejuvenate broadcasting has now been denied the light of day.

Minutes before his subsequent press conference, Luxon and his comms team had a ‘virtual huddle’ to ‘find some relatable quotes’ which would both project an image of tough authoritative decision-making and ‘go viral like a cat playing a piano.’

According to the messages leaked over the weekend, Luxon initially expressed a preference for something ‘JFK-ish’, suggesting ‘With great power comes great responsibility’.

However this was scratched after it was pointed out that the phrase was in fact popularised by scrawny teenaged arachnid-bite victim Peter Parker in the 2002 movie Spiderman.

The comms team then quickly considered a number of soundbites that combined big swinging senior management energy with down-home folksiness, before settling on ‘That’s how I roll’. Other suggestions and why they were rejected are set out here:

‘It’s not a popularity contest’

(It is a popularity contest)