Search Resumes For Missing Cancer Drugs
The search continues today for thirteen cancer drugs missing since late last week.
The cancer drugs, described as ‘well-liked’ and ‘about the only bloody thing that everyone could agree was a good idea from this government’ were reported missing on Thursday afternoon shortly after the reading of the 2024 Budget.
Prior to their unexplained disappearance the cancer drugs had a high public profile, often being sighted in press releases, photo opportunities and 2023 election marketing material.
Nicola Willis, who is heading up the investigation into the disappearance of the cancer drugs, told reporters that she was keeping an open mind and it was too early to jump to any conclusions about what may have happened to them.
‘We’ve undertaken a meticulous grid search of the Budget’s Excel spreadsheets, but so far we’ve turned up nothing. It’s a mystery at this point, but there’s nothing to suggest foul play. They may have just wandered off our priority list, and could turn up later.‘
But Dr Shane Reti, who knows the cancer drugs, said he was seriously concerned and baffled by their disappearance.
‘There seems to be no trace of them at all – it’s almost as if they never existed. Cancer drugs don’t simply disappear.’
Ms Willis has urged patience, adding that the search would be widened and that ‘persons of interest’ in Treasury would be interviewed.
‘We’re confident that we’ll find some back-room public servants on whom we can pin the blame, I mean who can help us with our investigation going forward.’
Meanwhile Ms Willis has asked for anyone with any idea of how to locate the cancer drugs to make themselves known.
‘We really want to see these life-saving medicines united with the people who need them. We’ll do whatever it takes and leave no stone unturned to bring these cancer drugs back.’
‘Apart from spending money on them, obviously. That would be ridiculous.’