Seymour: My Message To Jesus

David Seymour here. Happy to report that the butter still isn’t melting in my mouth.

Lots of drama in the woke media and amongst the chattering classes this week after I made the perfectly reasonable observation that Jesus would probably have voted ACT.

On reflection though, what I should have more accurately said was that Jesus would probably have voted ACT if He had thought rationally and objectively about His life choices.

Consider the facts: here was a young guy whose Dad (one of them anyway) was a carpenter. Being good at making things out of wood would’ve been an in-demand skill in first century Judea. This was the perfect opportunity to take over the family business, train up a couple of apprentices for leverage and end up running a successful small to medium enterprise which you could look to sell for a retirement nest-egg and a bach overlooking the Mediterranean.

But did He do this? No. Instead consider these following woeful choices.

1) The Wedding At Cana. Imagine it. There’s a giant booze-up going on and your Mum tells you they’ve run out of wine. Out of all the people at the party you are the only one who can turn wine into water, and there’s plenty of water about because no one has thought to meter it yet.

Talk about a gap in the market! But what does Jesus do? He turns the water into wine, then gives it away! Like the laws of supply and demand never existed! A perfect win-win opportunity to make plenty of coin by supplying cheap booze, gone begging.

2) The Healing of the Sick. I have no idea what kind of public health system there was under the Roman occupation, but you can be sure it was slow, wasteful and bureaucratic. Then Jesus comes along offering efficient private healthcare on the spot and yet somehow He forgets to charge for it. Another fail.

3) Throwing Out The Money-Changers At The Temple. An anti-competitive move from start to finish. We need fewer, not more, controls on the finance sector.

4) Walking On Water.