Seymour: Replacement School Lunch Provider Is Finger Lickin’ Good

Following the collapse of the Libelle Group like a cake someone left out in the rain, Associate Education Minister David Seymour has revealed that a new replacement provider will take over the entire school lunch programme from Monday, promising a ‘quarter pack of goodness and a bumper bucket of nutritional value.’

For reasons of commercial sensitivity, the name of the new school lunch provider must remain secret, just like the eleven herbs and spices of its special recipe.

But Mr Seymour assured reporters that the company is ‘really well established in the marketplace and in drive-thrus across the country’ and ‘has a track record of providing protein-heavy meals guaranteed to turn little kids into really big kids’.

‘In fact, when it comes to saturated fats and salt, this company consistently over-delivers’.

Pressed as to how the new provider could meet its budget of three dollars per school meal, Mr Seymour said that what went on in large-scale commercial kitchens was much like democracy – ‘you don’t want to see how it’s made, just savour the result.’

‘But let’s just say that up until now there have been parts of the chicken that haven’t been used to their full potential.’