Situations Vacant: Cabinet Level Positions – Gambling and Alcohol Industry Ex-Lobbyists

APPLICATIONS NOW OPEN

The New Zealand Government is committed to the inclusive representation of a diverse range of ex-lobbyists at the highest level. As part of this commitment, experienced advocates on behalf of the tobacco industry and gun rights groups were recently appointed to Cabinet.

Following the success of these initiatives and as part of its mates-with-connections capacity-building, the Government is now seeking to appoint to Cabinet senior mouthpieces from the gambling and alcohol industries.

Along with tobacco and firearms interests, the Government recognises that in the current economic climate it is these particular groups that need a helping hand, a leg up and a seat at the table.

Expressions of interest are therefore now sought from enthusiastic enablers with proven track-records of turd-glittering, who are passionate about big-upping their former booze and betting bosses.

WHO YOU ARE:

You will be an experienced and passionate apologist for either the gambling or alcohol industries.

You will have demonstrated an ability to maintain a straight face and hold the line against ministry advice and scientific evidence.

You will have the ability to go one-on-one with Jack Tame for a half-an-hour interview and be absolutely indistinguishable from your previous position, so that viewers are moved to ask ‘Wait – is this person actually in Cabinet now?’

YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES: