Slightly Better Devices Wow Apple Event Crowd

Attendees at Apple’s latest launch event have been left awestruck by the unveiling of this year’s range of products, which are microscopically better than last years, only more expensive.

‘My jaw was on the floor, dude’, one attendee enthused as he recalled the wave of excitement which overcame the crowd upon learning of the minuscule improvements to a range of devices which, let’s face it, long since passed the point of being what most normal people need on a day-to-day basis.

The new products, presented by Apple’s charismatic larger-than-life CEO [find name and description of whoever this guy is and insert here – Editor] include:

New model standard iPhone: the new iPhone, imaginatively designated by a number somewhere in the late teens, differs from the previous model in that one of its critical measurements has changed by approximately the width of a gnat’s arse.

Additionally, the new iPhone has a camera with 12 times more optical accuracy and features than an everyday person would know what to do with, rather than the previous model’s 10 times.

New thinner, lighter iPhone: a completely new range, the iPhone Air has been introduced in reaction to customer feedback that standard iPhones were just too heavy to lift with only one hand, and would fit only in the largest of pockets or handbags.