Songs In The Key Of Coalition

Yes it’s time to singalong with those hits from the Great Government Songbook that you never realised you loved – now collected here in one great playlist!

Disclaimer: The Satiriser does not endorse the singing or chanting of any part of the following in public, and especially not en masse in public gatherings, and especially especially not en masse in public gatherings where the subjects of the following are present.

Well what a ride it’s been for menthol-cool Casey Costello, who’s risen from tobacco lobbyist to Cabinet Minister like the warm thermal current from a heated tobacco product. We wouldn’t be surprised if when she looks back, smoke gets in her eyes…

SMOKE GETS IN MY EYES

They told me what to do

When I talk to you 

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Now that I’m inside 

Our links I’ll deny

Smoke gets in my eyes

Meanwhile, zealot-like chipmunk-impersonator Simeon Brown has a big big future ahead of him. What’s in store? For asphalt-loving Simeon, there’s no point in saying ‘Que sera, sera’ when you can just take the car, the car…

TAKE THE CAR, THE CAR

When he was just a little boy

Simeon asked for, one little train 

He didn't get one, now he'll make sure 

Nobody will again 

Take the car, the car

Whatever your route may be 

The future is roads you see 

Take the car, the car

Take the car, the car

Your friend is the petrol pump 

And trains are for loser chumps 

Take the car, the car

Our hard-working Kiwi Prime Minister and CEO is too busy laser-focusing on this quarter’s key deliverables to waste much time on arty things like music. But if he could, you bet he’d like to take those pesky high-profile Act ministers and their tail-wags-dog limelight-hogging, and just wash them out of his *checks notes* hair…

GONNA WASH THAT ACT RIGHT OUT OF MY HAIR

I'm gonna wash that Act right out of my hair

I'm gonna wash that Act right out of my hair 

I’m gonna wash that Act right out of my hair

With Unilever products 

We finish with that guy who’d replace workers’ rights with twerkers’ rights. When he looks in the mirror, David may think ‘That’s Amorē’ – but the rest of us are thinking ‘That’s Seymour, eh’…

THAT’S SEYMOUR, EH

When he cuts your school lunch on a whim and a hunch, that's Seymour, eh

When he jokes and he laughs at the layoffs to staff, that’s Seymour, eh

When he gets all his thrills from a divisive bill, that’s Seymour, eh

You can put a big tick next to ‘arrogant prick’, that’s Seymour, eh

That’s all for this volume of ‘Songs In The Key Of Coalition’. Stand by for Volume Two, in which grey fox Winston Peters gets his croon on, and a still ferry-less Nicola Willis enchants with that old lament, ‘Row Row Row Your Boat.’ Here’s just a preview:

ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT

Row row row your boat, gently ‘cross the Strait

I can’t find a better one

You’ll have to bloody wait