Threatened Species Welcome Tax Cuts

A kea scheduled to be interviewed for this piece before it flew off with the #$!%ing microphone

As the Department of Conservation looks to shed 130 jobs, threatened species across the motu say the downsizing will be worth it if it means the tax cuts promised in next month’s Budget can go ahead.

Forest and Bird have warned of the long-term consequences for both nature and the economy if DOC’s job losses proceed. But flora and flora interviewed by The Satiriser have given a broad thumbs, claws-and-tendrils-up to the proposal. We spoke with Beaky - a great spotted kiwi, Doug – a native New Zealand falcon and self-described libertarian apex predator, Fern – a fern, and Hector’s Dolphin Hector.

‘I know what it’s like to be squeezed,’ says Beaky. ‘I pushed out a couple of eggs a fifth of my body-size and I was back at work the next day. I’ve got two hungry squawking young ones, the nest needs re-feathering and worms aren’t getting cheaper. So my ears pricked up when I heard Nicola Willis talking about hard-working kiwis needing a break.’

Beaky admitted concern that DOC was now at risk of being unable to carry out its core functions.

‘Obviously any increase in the stoat-led ram-raids round here could prove to be an extinction-level event in our neighbourhood.’