Trump To Build Big Beautiful Wall of Tariffs

Foreign-made marker pens will be the first on President Trump’s hit-list

President Trump is going to build a big beautiful wall of tariffs all around the United States. But this time, it won’t just be Mexico that’s doing the paying.

In today’s Explainer, an expert in Trumponomics answers the question ‘Seriously, WTF?’:

Why is America imposing tariffs on the rest of the world?

Freedom! The correct answer to any question containing the words ‘Why?’ and ‘America’ always contains the word ‘freedom’.

Can you be more specific?

Americans are very big on freedom for all Americans. We have been ever since 1776, although the ‘all’ bit took eighty-odd years and a civil war to bed in. And we have always been very big on free markets, too.

Free to choose! The invisible hand! Supply and demand! Benevolent self-interest!

They may sound like names for varyingly-successful Netflix mini-series, but yes indeed. No queueing in line Soviet-style for one type of bread.

In American supermarkets for example, we are free to choose from over a hundred different types of sugar-infused breakfast cereals.

And now President Trump is bringing even more freedom to American consumers buying American-made products.

How?

By making them cheaper to buy than products from non-American manufacturers.

Will the American-made products now cost less?

Relative to non-American products, absolutely!

No, but will they actually cost less?

Next question.