TRUMP VISITS NOTRE DAME – PHOTO HIGHLIGHTS

This week President-elect Donald Trump was a guest at the re-opening ceremony of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, a building described by Mr Trump as ‘one of Europe’s greatest erections, sure, but if you want to see a real erection come to Mar-A-Lago, that’s what they tell me’. Here are some highlights of Mr Trump’s visit:

The President-elect was met outside Notre Dame by French President Macron who showed him inside. There was a brief delay as Mr Trump crossed the threshold of the church when he began foaming at the mouth, the waters of the Seine ran red with blood and the air was filled with the sound of jackals howling. Fortunately the Bishop of Paris had thought to provide a jug of holy water which was thrown over Mr Trump, turning to steam upon contact.

Mr Trump made small talk with First Lady Jill Biden inside Notre Dame, asking her ‘So where’s the ugly hunchback, I mean your husband?’

President-elect Trump’s visit included a viewing of Notre Dame’s great organ. The president-elect noted that it did not seem such a great organ to him, if you want to see a great organ he could show you a great organ, the greatest, come to Mar-A-Lago, and anything that Stormy Daniels tells you is a lie.

President-elect Trump paused momentarily to shake hands with Prince William on his way to the buffet, telling the Prince of Wales in passing that he reminded him of his own son Don Junior, except not so buff. Prince William was later overheard whispering to Catherine, Princess of Wales, if she had any of that hand sanitiser.

President-elect Trump also took the opportunity to strengthen diplomatic relations with President Macron, this handshake representing the liberty, equality and fraternity of the special relationship between the United States and France, especially the equality bit.

After the official ceremony there was an awkward encounter with Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky while both he and President-elect Trump waited for their respective rides. Soon after this photo was taken Mr Trump left in his presidential limo ‘The Beast’ after throwing Mr Zelensky under a local Parisian bus.