Wokeness Shocker For Diversity Hire Peters

Mr Peters cracks an anti–woke joke prior to today’s revelation

Mr Peters come in, take a seat.

Now look here bozo, I’ll take a seat if I want to, not because you tell me, you got that?

Very well, I just thought you might like to take a seat because we do have the results back and you may find them rather disturbing.

I’ll be the judge of that, you don’t need to mollycoddle me. Out with it.

There’s no easy way to say this, Mr Peters, but it looks like you may be a diversity hire.

A diversity hire? How dare you impugn me by playing the race card!

Oh no no no Mr Peters. I’m not referring to your ethnicity. Or your age. Even if you’re so old that your Super Gold Card number is 00001. No, I’m talking about your views.

There’s nothing wrong with my views, buster.

I didn’t say there was, Mr Peters. I’m not here to judge. I’m simply saying that your views are completely different from what most people think or give a monkey’s about on a day to day basis. They are from another time. Or another planet. They’re right out there. And so are you.

I don’t have to stand for this!

As I said, a seat is provided. If you wish I can take you through a series of kneejerk reflex tests that may provide you with some insight about how differently-thinking you are.

Get on with it then.

Very well. What do you think is New Zealanders’ number one concern?

Wokeness! Wokesters like you. A war on woke, that’s what they want.

And in the supermarket doing the weekly shop, what’s top of their minds?