Your name is Nicola Willis, you are the Minister of Finance, and your specialist subject is slashing the public service. Your time starts now. Are you going to cut 8700 public service jobs?
Yes.
Correct. Do you know which public service jobs you’re going to cut?
No.
Correct. Do you know how the work done by the public servants whose jobs you are going to cut will now get done?
Yes.
I’m going to need more than that.
You sound like the unions!
I’ll repeat the question. Do you know how the work done by the public servants whose jobs you are going to cut will now get done?
No.
Correct. Do you know the cost of redundancy payouts for the public service jobs you’re going to cut?
No.
Correct. Can you point to any specific government ministry, department or agency whose staff are underworked?
Wait… Hang on…
I’m going to have to hurry you.
No.
Correct. You don’t know which public service jobs you’re going to cut, you don’t know how work will now get done and you can’t point to anyone who is currently underworked -
These are the things I expect the public service to tell me!
I’ll finish the question. Did you just pluck a number of jobs out of the air and work backwards from there?
Pass.
How will public servants react to this announcement?
Public servants are clever people and they will welcome it with flowers and forced smiles like peasants welcoming the tanks of an occupying power.
That’s not what I have here.
Then you’re part of the problem.
Is that your final answer?
No.
It is in fact your final answer because I have to tell you that your time is up and you have been replaced by artificial intelligence. Former Minister of Finance Nicola Willis, thank you.
Oh bum.